"Don't Stop Believing" Remembering Cory Monteith

 

 

July fourteenth at about two in the morning, I found out Cory Monteith had died. This news was both shocking and terrifying to me- Glee's bubble had always seemed so invincible. The idea that our idols can die is a shocking and difficult thing to understand. I have always loved Glee because the show about how oddball high school students join together to create music inspired me. Glee was one of the most important things that got me through most of my own high school experience. I could easily relate to Glee, in high school, I found a group of friends in theater as close-knit and supportive as the Glee group. Yet, I still felt like an outcast throughout high school. In my darkest moments, Glee pushed me to keep going for my dreams. When Finn joined the Glee club, Finn represented a new kind of possibility for me. A jock could join the Glee club and fall for the unpopular girl. As I was an unpopular girl who often felt similar to Rachel, Finn gave me the hope that not all people would turn out to be slushie-throwers. Finn helped me realize that despite “hindrances,” I could chase my dreams. Yet, I realize my experience with Glee isn’t unique at all. Finn and Glee inspired many of its fans to “Don’t Stop Believing.” Despite all the things that went wrong for the characters, everything seemed to pull through by the finale and the Glee club got closer each year as it approached Nationals. I guess this is a reason so many people are so hit by his death. In Glee, they all overcome their problems and emerged together as a group even stronger than before by the end. Everything was okay. Yet, the fact is that in reality everything is not okay. Cory was a surprise star- someone who was not expected to succeed yet ultimately won his dream. His openness about his substance abuse made him relatable, and news of his rehab gave many fans the false security that he was okay. Yet, unfortunately everything was not okay. He was probably battling with demons inside that no one knew of. At this point, it is just a guessing game as to what he was dealing with. 

So far I’ve heard many different responses from people about his death- on one hand, people are genuinely mourning him and are remembering him for Glee and pushing off the darker stories of his addictions. On the other hand, some are condemning him for his involvement with drugs. Neither of these views does him justice. Yes, Cory was an amazing person who inspired millions of us to create and believe. Yet, behind him was a troubled life that involved serious substance abuse and tragedy that ultimately overcame his life. So we must see both of these sides as we remember his life.

So, what do we do now? We are mourning as if we have lost a close friend. In many ways, we have lost a close friend, and we will probably be mourning for a long time. And, as most humans do in times of grief, we will try to make sense of Cory’s death as I am now. Yet, Cory’s death serves as an important lesson. Just as we can determine our dreams, we determine how we get to those dreams and who we are. I’ve often heard life referred as a puzzle. Yet, life is not some great puzzle where there’s a piece that fits and people’s life track is pre-cut. If life were a puzzle, most pieces would be missing or would not be able to fit with each other. Life is unpredictable and we must understand this. Although we may be young we are in no way invincible or in the candy coated world of television. We can do what Glee teaches us and not give up on our dreams, but we must understand our impermanence in the world and the implications of our decisions. We must keep up the fight for life not only for Cory but also for ourselves. We can make mistakes, yet must be able to fight back and stand again. 

          In Jane Lynch’s recent Jay Leno interview, she said Cory lived for each day. We must find ways to live fully and purposely each day without falling for our innermost demons.  As I said before, life is unpredictable, and although we can do our best to create the best situations for ourselves we are never invincible or completely secure. So, we must look at each day as a new possibility and life because we never know when our days will end. Hopefully we have good people and love around us, because what the strong and large reaction to his death from fans and his co-stars has shown us is that love is really all we can depend on. As is said in Rent, "measure your life in love." 

            Cory was a genuine beaming light for Glee. I had not realized it before, but he really was the glue for Glee. Whenever I think about my favorite moments in Glee, Finn somehow was at the center pushing the other characters to be the best they could be and to believe in the impossible.  He will be missed, and hopefully we can learn from his death and legacy, and “Don’t Stop Believing” ourselves. Rest in Peace Cory. 

I am going to post my music choices below that I have been listening to and thinking about since Cory's death. 

1. "Otherside" by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis

   Drugs will hinder creativity, and they are an unfortunate part of our culture that kill too many people each day. I also think about the lyric, "We live on the cusp of death thinking it won't be us," as a chilling warning that relates to Cory's death. 

 2.  "Starting Over" by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis

Another Macklemore song. Relapse is another beast in itself, and I keep thinking about this song and Cory.  Like Cory was, Macklemore has been very open about his drug issues and his recent dedication to sobriety. As Macklemore notes in this song, being in the spotlight and vocal about sobriety is a curse in a way because the pressure to be "perfect" can be overpowering. 

 Now for the Glee. I'm mostly sticking to the first season here.

3. "Keep Holding On" Season 1.

4. "Can't fight this feeling" Season 1. Cory's first solo performance. Such a unique and incredible talent. 

5. "Faithfully" Season 1. 

6. An lastly, "Don't Stop Believing." 

Thank you Cory. I will miss you and your inspiring talent. RIP. 

With Love, 

Natasha

Spring Breakers

I saw Spring Breakers yesterday. And I loved it.

To the people incredulously looking at me right now..."Why y'all acting spicious?" Okay, seriously though, this movie is a masterpiece. It's a masterpiece for calling out society's dark underbelly that we like to ignore and distance ourselves from. Spring Breakers is a satire, meaning that it exaggerates our society's problems to make us realize their potential damaging issues. Many people who have hated the movie hated it because they thought it was exploitative, sexist, and too "risque." The director, Harmony Korine, knows this. As a director, he has carefully crafted his movie to make a comment that society today IS too exploitative, sexist, and risque. For example, one person complained that James Franco's character, Alien, was racist and essentially "blackface." Well, in the movie he never actually states or believes that he is black. In one scene he actually talks about the difficulty of being white in an all-black neighborhood. So is it blackface? No. His mannerisms and character DO seem potentially offensive.  However, we all know that one or those few guys who we roll our eyes at because they try to put up this offensive image. James Franco's character is actually supposedly based off of real rapper Dangeruss, so this character does have it's basings in our society. So, his character is a COMMENT on the large numbers of white men in our society trying to put on a "gangster" attitude, not an endorsement of them.

Now on to the critique that gets to me the most. Some critics have complained that this movie is dangerous for women. Here's a thought: Spring Breakers is one of the best movies for women and feminism. When the cast was announced, many complained it was too risque and our dear Disney princesses, Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens, were throwing their young audience to the bus. First off, the movie's display of "risque" sexualized women is a COMMENT on our society's sexualization of women. When I told my mother I was going to this movie, her response as "Oh isn't it that slutty movie?" Disregarding my wish for the word "slut" to be forever removed from our language, I realized how twisted and manipulated our minds have become to feel the need to "slut-shame" anything that reveals "too much" of women. Of course, when people watch MTV, this type of sexualization is fine, but when they see it in a movie everyone gets up in arms. How about this- go to Panama City or another Spring Break hotspot and observe the drunken haze of our exploitative society and come back and try to tell me that Korine isn't showing us the reality and trying to make us see the problems with that reality. I think a major reason why some people were turned away from this movie was because it was too relatable and hit too close to home. In certain scenes, I was thinking "ya, i've see or done that" or "ya, I could be pushed to do that pretty easily." And that's scary. These things shouldn't be relatable, but they are. Korine wins here because he calls us out on this to make us recognize and understand our reality.

 As for Vanessa and Selena, frankly I am outraged that some people are upset with them for doing such a movie. As an actress, one of the most exciting parts of my job is the ability to try new types of acting and different types of roles. If I was stuck in the bubble gum world of Disney for years, you bet I would want to try something else. Also, when did you hear people becoming outraged at Zac Efron for breaking out of this role? No, you didn't. Girls in Disney are expected to stay there, yet it's the men who can be trailblazers in their careers. Korine notices this. There is a reason why he only called well-known actresses with innocent images to replace Emma Roberts when she dropped out of the movie. The girls' involvement in this movie is a COMMENT on Disney's exploitative nature of women. He knew Selena and Vanessa would garner a shocked response, and this allows us to see a side of our society that is damaging and hypocritical.

This movie also shows the alternative to society's misogynistic side. When the girls get into Alien's car, I was thinking "oh crap this is not ending well for them" and was imaging some terrible scene where Alien takes advantage of them. But that didn't happen. When Alien was showing Candy and Brit his guns, I was not expecting them to turn on him. When they threatened him, I wasn't expecting him to say "I think I just fell in love with y'all." When the gangster "battle" approached, I expected Alien to be the stronger one forcing the girls to help because misogynist society has made my instinct believe that a man would be braver and less scared. But Alien wasn't, he was afraid and (spoiler) died before they even really got started. I wasn't expecting Candy and Brit to continue on and kill his gangster foe. These scenes are all examples of how this movie shows women taking control of the system that degrades them and using what society sees as their "weakness" to fight back. I think the major thing the girls wanted when they were back in college was power and control. With Alien, they get to gain this power and fight women's exploited images. They use men's sexualization of women to their advantage. When they continue past Alien's dead body, that is an example of them taking control of the situation. Then, when they each give his dead lips one last kiss, I saw the kiss as a sign that they were happy with their power. These girls used their sexualization to get this power, and the last kiss was a small symbol of this manipulation. It's like "thanks Alien and society for sexualizing us, here is a small act to shove it up yours" type of attitude.
This movie made me laugh (James Franco's "look at my shyte" scene was hilarious), cry (thanks "Everytime," but seriously that was a brilliant scene), and made me THINK. I'm still contemplating this movie. I can't stop thinking about it. I could write pages about each scene. And that is one of the reasons it succeeds so well. "SPRING BREAK FOREVER B*TCHES!"

With love, 

Natasha

Love Spirit

In reaction to the Girls finale last night, i've been thinking about love. Love. The four letter word in our language that has the power to unite and destroy us. A friend I recently talked with said that every person has a "soul mate." She said that before birth we are connected with one other person, separated when we are born, and then we spend our lives searching for that other person. As a child (and to be honest, even now) I was haunted by the thought that my soul mate didn't exist. What if my soul mate died at birth? What if he got killed in a terrible car accident? As I watched the news, I always wondered who's soulmate died in a teen car wreck. I also took issue with this idea because it makes people obsess over the idea of a "soul mate", and focus on finding that soul mate. Yes, love is important. But life in general is often more important than finding the person you are supposed to love "forever". There have been so many times when couples break up, marriages collapse in divorce, and people re-marry. Yet, life usually seems to move on. This "soul mate" ideal isn't cutting it anymore.

Recently, I watched a TED talk featuring Elizabeth Gilbert (see below). She discusses the "creative spirit," or the ancient Greek idea that creativity is a spirit that passes through artists. This "spirit" explains why an artistic idea can become so enwrapping. This makes sense. When I have an idea for my creative writing, or when I think of a script idea, the thought consumes me until I have it on paper. When I write, I often cannot see anything else except the computer screen. It's an odd experience that borders on paranormal. As an artist, I follow this idea because it takes the attention away from me, and puts it instead on my work. If you think about all the world's major artists being joined by one unified creation spirit, art itself is more a message from that spirit then from individual humans.

Relating back to the idea of love, I believe that there is a "love spirit." It inhabits many people, some for their entire lives, and exists when certain people join together. However, it often fleets from then, and that explains why love can leave so suddenly. When you first fall in love, it is enwrapping. Everything else seems to dwindle away in importance and you are solely focused on your "other." Like the "creation spirit," this "love spirit" completely consumes people. It moves through people, ready to enter more relationships. We need to savor it for what it's worth, and look back on our times with it with happiness. To experience this spirit at least once should be a blessing. Love can be dangerous, but without it, what else can we do?

"For stony limits cannot hold love out, and what love can do, that dares love attempt" - Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

Bon Iver!!!

I have to dedicate an entire music post to Bon Iver. I can't even contain myself- they are so good! I've been a fan for awhile, but i'm listening to their music a lot more now because it's such great music to study/ work in, it's calming, and it's great for when it rains.

The first song is Skinny Love:

The natural feel to this song is so calming. Also, his vocals are perfect.

Secondly, Flume is another great song. Every note speaks for itself, and the song itself is so moving and has so much meaning. Their is a wonderful overtone of profound loneliness that is touching.

Holocene is a song from his 2011 album. Their is a bit more background sound to this, but it sticks to their previous works of meaningful lyrics combined with striking lyrics and complex and breathtaking sound. 

Lastly, this song is also from their recent album. "Can't make you love me" is a cover of Bonnie Raitt's original song. I already loved her version- I actually did a cover of it myself and I know how hard it is to convey the meaning of the song. The lyrics of this song have always spoken to me and I can easily relate to them. Bon Iver has taken the song and made it completely made it their own- and I love it. It sends shivers down my spine! 

It's really hard to choose songs from Bon Iver. I listen to whole albums daily(you can listen to all of the first album on youtube in a single video)- which is rare for me because I tend to not like listening to entire albums. Bon Iver is a musical masterpiece and genius of this age. 

With love, 

Natasha

Summer Music

Now that summer is nearing its end (sadly), here are some of my favorite hits!

#1: Some Nights by Fun.
Such a great song! I'm slowly becoming addicted to Fun.'s music. Not only is the tune catching, the the lyrics really spoke to me when I first heard them. Also, the music video is Civil War themed. I have so much respect!

#2: Pontoon by Little Big Town
Just a fun, relaxing to listen to by the beach! Also, I love the instrument backing.

#3: Want U Back by Cher Lloyd

I'm currently obsessed with this song! A great "dancing around your room" song! 

#4: Beez in the Trap by Nicki Minaj

Alright, I'm normally not a Nicki Minaj fan at all, but this song is so catchy and a great song for raves.

#5: Young, Wild, & Free (feat. Bruno Mars) Wiz Khalifa and Snoop Dogg

A great, chill song! Reminds me of good times this summer! 

It's been a great summer of music so far!! And still one month to go! 

With Love, 

Natasha

Olympics and such

Why are the Olympics so important? I'm a sports fan, but only in moderation and only when the sport includes baseball, basketball, or football. So why is it that i'm glued to the TV yelling at the US Women's rowing team? Or currently why am i watching men's beach volleyball? I think one of the great successes of the Olympics is that they make sports that aren't normally "high-interest" or "high-grossing" and they make ordinary citizens invested in them. Without the Olympics, we would never hear about Michael Phelps or Shawn Johnson because swimming and gymnastics aren't necessarily "huge" sports outside the Olympics (although they probably should be). Do American families camp out in front of the TV with their hamburgers and other fattening foods to watch the swimming championships? Unless you are an avid swimmer or are obsessed with swimming, most likely not. The Olympics brings different cultures together and allows different athletes to take center stage for once. And, because of this reason Olympic athletes are so relatable. Missy Franklin is 17 and from a small suburb outside Denver. She is 6 foot 1. How is she any different from myself? We see these people fighting for their dream and then living those dream out- and that is what the Olympics are all about (or maybe these sappy commercials are getting to me). Nevertheless, I will still watch Women's kayaking and will cheer on Men's rowing until the 12th when it's all over. Until then, GO USA!

With love, 

Natasha 

Poetry feelings and such

Just quickly wrote these poems! I haven't posted in awhile, despite having numerous things written. Perhaps things happen like that sometimes-they never get past "draft stage". O well!!

Here is my first one... it's working title is "Book Store Love"

In my own world amongst the chronicles of human thought,

You came up to the poetry section,

I was next to you in the drama section,

What was this beating in my soul?

Skimming titles aimlessly,

Trying to avert my eyes sideways,

A short breath escapes through this magnetism I feel,

Which has turned me forever mute.

Talk to me,

Let’s run away through the aisles with Emily Dickinson,

Or fly away to the skies with Keats,

Dreaming I think of this story.

Yet as I stand carefully positioning my every move,

You seem to skim faster,

Your beloved poetry is nowhere to be found,

Neither is my play.

Come back to me now,

Were you a soul mate I’ve now lost forever?

I stare as you go across the store,

Yet am shaken from my dream.

This chance is gone,

I look at the shelves empty handed,

My story is not to be found,

Only physical books stare back at me,

My loneliness a harsh punishment for my silence.

And my second one doesn't have a title yet. Still thinking!!

You were gone for good,

For good I said from my heart,

Never again would I hope you could be my anything,

Yet why am I still with you unable to part?

The frustration and nights of painful tears,

Your deceit and unguarded playfulness,

My torn heart as I stared at you with others,

All of this giving me such unprecedented stress.

Yet we were together once,

Or was it only in my dreams?

I thought you held me in yours too,

But I felt stranded from you for months.

So here is my final declaration,

I cannot love you nor loathe you,

Must I live in the middle passage forever?

With Love, 

Natasha